Proper discipline is ONLY
possible in Christ Jesus.
How did we get where we are?
In the 1900's authoritarianism was the rule. However, these
fathers were not all saved men. Abuses brought a reaction, pushed
along by humanism, resulting in 1950's permissiveness.
Most of us have never seen
Godly child training. We have either patterned after, or reacted
against the examples in our past. So what do we do ?
1. Renew your mind.
And be not conformed to
this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and
perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2)
2. Believe Jesus CAN equip
you! (2 Cor.9:8
And.God [is] able to make
all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all
sufficiency in all [things), may abound to every good work: (2
Corinthians 9:8)
A suggestion - Go through,the
book'of Proverbs and put a big 'R' in the margin by every verse
that deals with the ROD AND REPROOF
Successful child training is
a "flesh problem" - Yours and theirs.
Dealing with children will
expose the areas in your heart that you don't like to see. Don't
blame the child. (Example - This child disobeys and disobeys
until finally I can't handle it and I lose it. It's HIS fault I
lose my temper!)
Admit your fault. Pray about
it. Seek prayer and encouragement. Don't hide it. Do whatever it
takes to get victory.
You can teach your children
to obey the first time you speak - or not until you say in a LOUD
voice "I told you three times ...! When do you mean it?
Teach your children "Obey
means you're told, without arguing'" 'Do what you're told as soon
as ( or "with a good attitude")
Correction should always be
seen as NOT Mom or Dad finally "losing it". consequences for
behavior
Never correct out of control!
A churning inside you that wants satisfied when you get your
hands on that child is wrong.
3 Keys to Child
Training
1. OBEDIENCE to the
Word
2. FAITH in God Prov.
22:15 is a promise. You can never actually BEAT sin out of the
child. Your obedience opens the door for the Holy Spirit to work.
Remind the Lord.
Foolishness [is] bound in the
heart of a child; [but] the rod of correction shall drive it far
from him. (Proverbs 22:15)
3. God's GRACE when we fall
short on #1 and #2.
Parents must overcome fear of
confrontation.
Don't say it if you are not
willing to enforce it. If it's just advice, say so, but if you
tell them to do it, see that they do. If you can't remember what
you told them, WRITE IT DOWN!
Make expectations CLEAR ahead
of time. Discuss behavior you see - both good and bad.
PRACTICE! Examples - Practice having "church" at home. Have
them sit still and be quiet. Correct them immediately if they
don't.
Before you go in to the
grocery store you might say, "I want you to stay beside my cart.
Please don't touch things on the shelves. You may not ask for
more than one thing in the store, and it will be up to me to
decide if I will
buy it."
Notice and compliment good
behavior, but don't overdo it. You can devalue praise if it is
not sincere.
For a small child,
consistently use "NO" in a firm voice.
Give children lots of choices
within acceptable limits. It makes it easier for them to accept
those things that they have no choice about. For example, "It's
almost time for bed. Would you rather we pray here on the couch
or up
in your bed?"
Be careful about making
excuses for your child. Temper tantrums and rebellion should not
be allowed just because "He's tired."
Children pattern what they
see. Exposing them to aggressive behavior will produce it. Look
closely at the values you're allowing your children to soak
up.
I will set not wicked thing
before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; [it]
shall not cleave to me.(Psalms 101:3)
Don't assume that you have to
allow what everyone else does.
Is there a hidden reward to
this negative behavior? attention? control?
Other principles to teach
your children.
1. Actions have consequences.
Don't always bail him out.
2. Work and Responsibility.
This is an important life skill, and you can begin to encourage
it early.
For even when we were with
you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither
should he eat. (2Thessalonians 3:10)
3. WE ARE A FAMILY - We have
a very special relationship and responsibilitty to one another -
to get along, to help and encourage, to pray for each
other.(Friends may come and go, but we'll always be
family.)
Don't allow yourself or your
children to say cruel or hurtful things to each other and then
excuse it with, "I was only teasing."
18 As a mad [man] who casteth
firebrands, arrows, and death, 19 So [is] the man that deceiveth
his neighbour,and saith, Am not I in sport? (Proverbs 26)
Kids are DIFFERENT! Don't be
condemed if you have a strong willed child that requires more
correction. Just be fair a strong will brought under submission
is powerful for the Lord.
Every personality trait has a
positive and a negative. Help your child grow in the positive and
train him to overcome the negative. (Example - An emotional child
can be moody and yield to self-pity or sensitive and caring
to
others.
You will tend to not see some
faults in your children, especially,if they are similar to your
own, because you are so close to the behavior that it seems
normal to you. For this reason, be willing to listen to Godly
friends that might
have a gentle
suggestion.
WARNING! Recognize
that--hidden rebellion in the compliant child is from the same
sin nature and must be dealt with. A child may seek to please
only because of a fear of confrontation. That is not the same as
a willing heart.
Believe God to EXPOSE sin in
the heart.
If you are following
scriptural principles and see no fruit, there is a place for
deliverance. In a young child you have direct authority. In an
older one you may have to exercise your authority through
intercession.
Talk to your children LOTS!
It will strengthen the bond between you and stimulate their
minds. Talk especially about spiritual things. Share testimonies.
Fill them with the Word while they're young.
And ye,shall teach them your
children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and
when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou
risest up. (Deuteronomy 11:19)
PRAY over them daily. Young
ones,lay-hands-on. The goal is that as they are older they
continue in their own time of prayer and Bible reading as a
natural part of life.
The goal of godly parenting
is NOT "Please like me!" That comes later. Overcome rejection,
especially with teens. Be secure in your God-given authority.
Prov. 31:28 says of the virtuous woman that her children rise up
and call
her blessed.