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A person who cannot forgive
has forgotten how great a debt God has forgiven them.
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Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe
that you will receive them, and you will have them. And whenever you stand
praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him,
that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if
you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.
~ Mark 11:24-26
For the remainder of the lessons I want to turn our attention to the
consequences of refusing to let go of offense and how to get free from it.
Jesus meant what He said: “But if you do not forgive, neither will your
Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” We live in a culture where we don’t
always mean what we say. Consequently we do not believe others mean what they
say to us. A person’s word is not taken seriously.
It begins in childhood. A parent tells a child, “If you do that again,
you’ll get a spanking,” The child not only does it again but several times more
after that. Following each episode the child receives the same warning from his
parent. Usually no corrective action is taken. If correction does take place,
it is either lighter than what was promised or more severe because the parent
is frustrated.
Both responses send a message to the child that you don’t mean what you
say or what you say isn’t true. The child learns to think that not everything
authority figures say is true. So he becomes confused about
when and if he should take authority figures seriously. This attitude is
projected onto other areas of his life. He views his teachers, friends,
leaders, and bosses through this same frame of reference. By the time he
becomes an adult he has accepted this as normal. His conversations now consist
of promises and statements in which he says things he doesn’t mean.
Let me give you a hypothetical example of a typical conversation. Jim
sees Tom, whom he knows but hasn’t talked to in a while. He is in a hurry and
thinks, “Oh, no. I can’t believe I am running into Tom. I don’t have time to
talk.”
The two men look at each other.
Jim says, “Praise the Lord, brother. It is good to see you.”
They talk a short while. Since Jim is in a hurry, he finishes by
saying, “ We need to get together sometime for lunch.”
First, Jim was not excited about seeing Tom because he was in a hurry.
Second, he was not thinking about the Lord and greeted Tom with “Praise the
Lord.” Third, he had no intention of following up on that lunch invitation. It
was just a means of getting away quicker and easing his conscience in the
process. So Jim really meant nothing he said in that conversation.
Real situations like this occur every day. Today most people don’t mean
a fourth of what they say. So is it any wonder we have a difficult time knowing
when to take a person at his or her word?
But when Jesus speaks, He wants us to take Him seriously. We cannot
view what He says the way we view the other authorities or relations in our
lives. When He says something, He means it. He is faithful even when we are
faithless. He walks at a level of truth and integrity that transcends our
culture or society. So when Jesus said, “But if you do not forgive, neither
will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses,” He means it.
To take this one step further, He does not say this just once in the
Gospels but many times He was emphasizing the importance of this warning. Let’s
look at a few of these statements He made on different occasions.
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also
forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your
Father forgive your trespasses. ~ Matthew 6:14-15
And again:
Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ~ Luke 6:37
Again in the Lord’s prayer we read:
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. ~ Matthew 6:12
I wonder how many Christians would want God to forgive them in the same
way they have forgiven those who have offended them. Yet this is exactly the
way in which they will be forgiven. Because unforgiveness
in so rampant in our churches, we do not want to take these words of Jesus so
seriously. Rampant or not, truth does not change. The way we forgive, release,
and restore another person is the way we will be forgiven.
I heard an unusual testimony about a minister in the
The man had resisted the call of God on his life for several years
because of his business success. He was making a large amount of money. His
disobedience eventually caught up with him, and he was rushed to the hospital
because of heart failure.
He died on the operating table and found himself outside the gates of
heaven. Jesus was standing there and dealt with him about his disobedience. The
man pleaded with the Lord that if He would extend his life, he would serve Him.
The Lord consented.
Before sending him back to his body, the Lord showed him a vision of
hell. He saw his wife’s mother burning in the flames of hell.
He was amazed. She had said the “sinner’s prayer,” confessed to being a
Christian and had attended church. “Why is she in hell?” he asked the Lord.
The Lord told him that she had refused to forgive a relative and
therefore could not be forgiven.
Forgiveness and Spiritual Growth
We have also seen many examples of the trap of unforgiveness
in our own ministry. When I was ministering for the first time in
During the week I was there, his wife was saved; he was next and then
all three children. There was deliverance, and the entire atmosphere in the
house was changed. Great joy filled their home.
When they learned I would be returning to
We arrived and ministered ten times in their church. I preached on
repentance and the presence of God. We sensed His presence in the services,
with tears flowing and cries of deliverance throughout.
The entire family was again ministered to. The husband’s mother, who
lived in the same city, attended every service. She had also contributed a
large amount of money to the children’s airline tickets.
Near the end of the week, this man’s mother looked me straight in the
eye and asked, “John, why have I never felt the presence of God?”
We had just finished breakfast, and everyone else had already left the
table.
“I have been to every service,” she continued, “and have listened
closely to everything you’ve said. I have come to the front repenting, yet I
have not felt the presence of God once. Not only that, but I have never felt
the presence of God at any other time either.”
I talked with her for a while and then said, “Let’s pray for you to be
filled with God’s Spirit.” I laid my hands upon her and prayed for her to
receive the Holy Spirit, but there was no sense of God’s presence at all.
Then God spoke to my spirit. “She is holding unforgiveness
against her husband. Tell her to forgive him.”
I took my hands off her. I knew her husband was dead, but I looked at
her and said, “The Lord shows me you are holding unforgiveness
against your husband.”
“Yes, I am,” she agreed. “But I have done my best to forgive him.”
Then she told me about the horrible things he had done to her. I could
see why she wrestled with forgiving him.
But I said to her, “For you to receive from God you must forgive,” and
explained what Jesus taught about forgiveness.
“You cannot forgive him in your own strength. You must take this before
God and first ask God to forgive you. Then you can forgive your husband. Are
you willing to release your husband?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered.
I led her in a simple prayer: “Father in heaven, in Jesus’ name I ask
for Your forgiveness for holding unforgiveness
against my husband. Lord, I know I cannot forgive him in my own strength. I
have already failed, but before You now I release my
husband from my heart. I forgive him.”
No sooner had she said those words than tears began to flow down her cheeks.
“Lift up your hands and speak in tongues,” I urged her.
For the first time she prayed in a beautiful heavenly language. We had
such a strong sense of the presence of the Lord at the breakfast table that we
were overwhelmed and awed by it. She wept for about five minutes. We talked a
little while, then I encouraged her to enjoy the
presence of the Lord. She continued to worship Him, and I left her alone.
When news reached her son and daughter-in-law, they were shocked. The
son said he had never seen his mother cry.
She herself did not remember the last time she had cried. “Even when my
husband died I did not cry.”
In the service that night she was baptized in water. For the next three
days a glow and a sweet smile radiated from her face. I did not remember seeing
her smile before that, She would not forgive and was
therefore imprisoned by unforgiveness. But once she
released her husband and forgave him, she received the power of the Lord in her
life and became aware of His presence.
The Unforgiving Servant
In Matthew 18 Jesus sheds further light on the bondage of unforgiveness and offense. He was teaching the disciples
how to be reconciled with a brother who had offended them. (We will discuss
reconciliation in a later study.)
Peter asked, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I
forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matt. 18:21). He
thought he was being generous.
Peter liked to take things to the extreme. He was the one who had said,
“Let’s build three tabernacles, one for You, Jesus, one for Moses, and one for
Elijah” on the mountain of transfiguration (see Matthew 17:4). Now he thought
he was being magnanimous. “I’ll impress the Master with my willingness to
forgive seven times.”
But he received a shocking reply. Jesus blew away what Peter considered
generous: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times
seven” (Matt. 18:21-22). In other words, forgive as God does, without limits.
Then Jesus told a parable to emphasize His point.
Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to
settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts,
one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. ~ Matthew 18:23-24
To understand the enormity of what Jesus was saying, we must know what
a talent was. A talent was a unit of measure. It was used to measure gold (2
Sam. 12:30), silver (1 Kings 20:39), and other metals and commodities. In this
parable it represents a debt. So we can be safe in assuming He was referring to
a unit of exchange such as gold or silver. Let’s say gold.
The common talent was equivalent to approximately seventy-five pounds.
It was the full weight that a man could carry (see 2 Kings 5:23). Ten thousand
talents would be approximately 750,000 pounds or 375 tons. So this servant owed
the king 375 tons of gold.
At the present time, the price of gold is roughly $375 an ounce. In
today’s market a talent of gold would be worth $450,000. Therefore, ten
thousand talents of gold is worth 4.5 billion dollars.
This servant owed the king 4.5 billion dollars!
Jesus was emphasizing here that this servant owed a debt he could never
pay. We read:
But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold,
with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The
servant therefore fell down before him, saying, “Master, have patience with me,
and I will pay you all.” Then the master of that servant was moved with
compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. ~ Matthew 18:25-27
Now let’s look at how this parable applies to being offended. When an
offense occurs, a debt is owed. You have heard it said, “He’ll pay for this.”
So forgiveness is like the cancellation of a debt.
The king represents God the Father, who forgave this servant a debt
which was impossible for him to pay. In Colossians 2:13-14 we find, “And
you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision
of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all
trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of [certificate of debt with its]
requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it
out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.”
The debt we were forgiven was unpayable.
There was no way we could ever repay God what we owed Him. Our offense was
overwhelming. So God gave salvation as a gift. Jesus paid the certificate of
debt that was against us. We can see the parallel between this servant’s
relationship to his king and our relationship with God.
But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed
him a hundred danarii; and he laid hands on him and
took him by the throat, saying, “Pay me what you owe!” ~ Matthew 18:28
A danarius was approximately equal to a
laborer’s daily wage. So at today’s wages one hundred danarii
would be worth about four thousand dollars. Now continue to read:
So his fellow servant fell down
at his feet and begged him, saying, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you
all.” And he would not, but went and threw him into a prison till he should pay
the debt. ~ Matthew 18:29-30
One of his fellow servants owed him a sizable sum of money -- one third
of a year’s wages. How would you like it if you were missing a third of your
salary? But remember that this man was forgiven a debt of 4.5 billion dollars.
That’s more money than he could earn in a lifetime!
The offenses we hold against each other compared to our offenses
against God are like four thousand dollars compared to 4.5 billion dollars. We
may have been treated badly by someone else, but it does not compare with our
transgressions against God.
You may feel no one has it as bad as you do. But you don’t realize how
badly Jesus was treated. He was innocent, a blameless lamb that was slain.
A person who cannot forgive has forgotten the great debt for which they
were forgiven. When you realize that Jesus delivered you from eternal death and
torment, you will release others unconditionally. (We’ll talk about how to walk
through this in lesson 13.)
There is nothing worse than eternity in a lake of fire. There is no
relief, the worm does not die and the fire is not quenched. That was our
destination until God forgave us through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Hallelujah! If you have a hard time forgiving, think of the reality of hell and
the love of God that saved you from it.
Lessons For Believers
Let’s continue the parable:
So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very
grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his
master, after he had called him, said to him, “You wicked
servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also
have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” ~ Matthew
18:31-33
Jesus was not referring to unbelievers in this parable. He was talking about
servants of the king. This man already had a great debt forgiven (salvation)
and was called the master’s “servant.” The one he would not forgive was a “fellow
servant.” So we can conclude that this is the fate of a believer who refuses to
forgive.
And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he
should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly
Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his
brother his trespasses. ~ Matthew 18:34-35
These verses have three major points.
1. The unforgiving
servant is turned over to torture.
2. He has to pay off
the original debt: 375 tons of gold.
3. God the Father will
do the same to any believer who does not forgive a brother’s offense.
1. The unforgiving servant is turned over to torture.
Webster’s dictionary defines torture as “agony of body or mind” or “the
infliction of intense pain to punish, coerce or afford sadistic pleasure.”
The instigators of this torture are demon spirits. God gives the “tortures”
permission to inflict pain and agony of body and mind at will even if we are believers. I have
often prayed for
people in services who could not receive healing, comfort, or deliverance, all
because they would not release others and forgive from their hearts.
Medical doctors and scientists have linked unforgiveness
and bitterness with certain diseases, such as arthritis and cancer. Many cases
of mental sickness are tied to bitter unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is usually denied to
other people, but sometimes it is denied to oneself. Jesus said, “If you have
anything against anyone, forgive…” (see Matthew 5:24).
Anyone includes yourself! If God forgave you, who are
you not to forgive one He has forgiven, even if it is you?
2. The unforgiving servant had to pay the original unpayable
debt.
He was required to do the impossible. It is like our being required to pay the debt Jesus paid at
“Wait a minute,” you say, “I thought that once a person prayed the
sinner’s prayer and committed his life to Jesus he could never be lost.”
If you believe that, then explain why Peter wrote the following:
For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the
knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them
and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. For it would
have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than
having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. ~ 2 Peter
2:20-21
Peter was talking about people who had escaped sin (pollutions of the
world) through salvation in Jesus Christ. However, they were again entangled by
sin (which could be unforgiveness) and overcome by
it. To be overcome meant they did not return to the Lord and repent of their
willful sin. Peter stated that turning from righteousness was worse than never
knowing it at all. In other words, God is saying it is better never to have
gotten saved than to receive the gift of eternal life and then turn from it
permanently.
Jude also described people in the church who were “twice dead” (Jude 12-13).
To be twice dead means you were once dead without Christ, then you were made
alive by receiving Him, then you died again by departing from His ways
permanently.
We see that many will come to Jesus justifying themselves by saying: “’Lord,
Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast our
demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will
declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me,
you who practice lawlessness!’” (Matt. 7:22-23). They knew Him. They called Him
Lord and did miracles in His name. But He did not know them.
Whom will Jesus know? The apostle Paul wrote, “But if anyone loves God,
this one is known by Him” (1 Cor. 8:30). God knows
those who love Him.
You may say, “I love God. I just don’t love this brother who has hurt
me.” Then you are deceived, and you do not love God, for it is written, “If
someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother… whom he has seen, how can he
love God whom he has not seen?” (1 John 4:20). Deception is a terrible thing,
for the deceived believes with all of his heart that he is right. He believes
he is one way when he is really another. A person who refuses to obey the Word
deceives his own heart.
Isn’t it interesting that “many” will expect to enter heaven and be refused and
that Jesus said many would be offended in the last days (Matt. 24:10)? Could
these two groups include the same people?
Some believers are so tormented by unforgiveness
that they may hope death will bring relief. But this is not true. We must deal
with unforgiveness now or be called upon to pay the unpayable.
3. God the Father will do this to any believer who refuses to forgive
from the heart -- no matter how great the hurt or offense.
Jesus was very specific, making sure we understood this parable. In
almost every parable Jesus did not offer the interpretation unless His
disciples asked for it. In this case, however, He wanted no question about the
severity of judgment for those who refused to forgive.
In many other instances Jesus also made it clear that if we would not
forgive we would not be forgiven. Remember that He is not like us; He means
what He says.
This is not often found in the church. Instead, excuses are given for
harboring unforgiveness. Unforgiveness
is considered to be a lesser sin than homosexuality, adultery, theft,
drunkenness, and so on. But those who practice it will not inherit the
Some may think this is a hard message, but I see it as a message of
mercy and warning, not of harsh judgment. Would you rather be convicted by the
Holy Spirit now and experience genuine repentance and forgiveness? Or would you
rather refuse to forgive and hear the Master say, “Depart,” when you can no
longer repent?
Next Week: Revenge: The Trap